♥ Mr. Freddy

Friday, July 14, 2006 Friday, July 14, 2006

no more World Cup already...so i'll be writing about my life then... i mean what happened today and stuff like that. well...here i go.

today. 14th July 2006. i will never forget this day. it's the day that i felt that everything was going against me. start of school was fine. had some chemistry practical. i like it though. that wasn't so bad until i had art. seriously, i need someone like my mum or mrs leicester to YELL at me to do something. im so sorry but i'm like that kind of person. however, that doesn't mean that i shouldn't change me character. i've to quit behaving that way and start afresh. i know people kind of like hate my kind of character as they want us to take the initiative but it's hard to not do it overnight, you see. im not like the sky, which can change from dark to light. im like a butterfly/moth that changes for a very long time in a cocoon(is that how you spell it?).

another paragraph! another point la. hahas. i just felt like writing this. NOTICE: ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED DUE TO IDENTIFICATION PURPOSES( if there are names). IF IT SOUNDS SO FAMILIAR, IT'S JUST MERE COINCIDENCE. i feel like a reporter!!! anyway, what's so nice about being attached? i mean...no offence la for those who're attached but if you're so desperate to be attached, then it's a whole different story. i admit that i was once like that too but i learnt from my flaws and found out that it was rather unnecessary. i just effect your studies and sometime, your relationship with your friends. well, that maybe a reason why im still single now for like 17 years. it's not wrong to have guy friends. i do have guy friends but they're just my friends, no more( i cant imagine myself having a boyfriend). bleahs... anyhoo, it tore my heart open when i found out that one of my friend chose HIM than Os. ( i tear my heart open, i sew myself shut...that nice song by PAPA ROACH) *shakes head...very disappointed indeed. let me change that. VERY DISAPPOINTED INDEED!!! however, i did my part to advise her and yet she didnt want to listen. what am i suppose to do? i did what i could. what a let down she is.

anyway, i feel so emo right now. im not like that last time but my bestie said i was. *shrugs... what the heck...i feel MORE emo now...feel like listening to emo rock songs now and cry to it. oh, now i know why im so emo...ever since i watched SI. paul and joakim's story. moved me, y'all. paul's side of the story is that he wasnt very close to his parents but he is now due to SI. all those who watched it, you know what i mean. im like him too but there's a difference. im okok close to my family. we talk but it somehow feels like this: SO NEAR YET SO FAR. geddit? there has never been a time i said i love you to my parents, hug them or even kiss them on their cheek. well, maybe when i was younger but not now (man, im like crying while writing this). anyhoo, yea. it's not like i dread asking for forgiveness on the morning of hari raya but i will go emo when i do that and cry. shites la. no one in my family know who im exactly is. even myself, i dont even know who am i. WHAT THE FARK!! im like living in a body and trying to live life to the fullest. to my friends, I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! ok, reason for why i dont like hugging people. i want to hug people but something in me just stops me from doing it. maybe because i dont feel my parents' love, but i know they love me, as they dont hug or kiss me everynight. i dont even say goodnight to them. im a farking bad child. i suck. i so dont rock, please! ok, back to the point. yea, i just never had a warm hug before. excluding the warmest hug from ESTHER LOKE when we sent her off to Aust. that was the best hug! LOVES!!! man, i wanna cry now. i dont know why...

yea, so i guess you know the real FARHANA NURHIDA now. im still finding out who the farking hell i am so, keep a lookout of my posts ok? and let's see what i've found out about myself. I NEED SOME SOUL SEARCHING!!

love this song.

Scars-Papa Roach.

tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

loves cesc.

cheers-14th July 2006.